


Noodles & Company

by IAmANonnieMouse



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28509258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse
Summary: Ari,Eames texts frantically,what does it mean when your boyfriend says he’s bringing home noodles AND COMPANY????i didnt need to know that much about your sex life,she writes back immediately.
Relationships: Arthur/Eames (Inception)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 94





	Noodles & Company

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deinvati](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinvati/gifts).



> for my mouse spouse dei <3 does this count as a happy new year fic if it's posted the day after new year's????  
> (i must confess, dei, I was considering writing you smut, but then i wimped out SO HERE HAVE CRACK INSTEAD)  
> (shoutout to flos for reminding me that Noodles and Company deserved a crack fic)

“Eames,” Arthur says in the tone that means he’s been saying Eames’ name for a rather long time, “what do you want for dinner?”

“Erm,” Eames says eloquently, looking at the mess of paints spread around him. He sits up slowly, and realizes the sun is setting. He started painting just after breakfast. Oops? “Sorry, darling.”

Arthur smiles fondly. “I’m used to it. But I’d really like to know what you want for dinner.”

“Whatever you want, darling, I’ll be happy.” Eames reaches for the turpentine and manages to snag it without dragging his shirt sleeve through his current masterpiece. “Really. Treat yourself. Think of it as a reward for putting up with me.”

Arthur chuckles. “Sounds good to me.”

An undetermined amount of time later, Arthur pops his head in and says, “I’m going out. Don't burn the house down, okay?”

Eames smiles. “I’ll do my best. What did you decide on?”

“Noodles and company,” Arthur says drily. “You’re gonna love it.”

He leaves before Eames can manage a response. 

“Erm,” he says into the empty house. He hesitates, then dives for his phone. 

_Ari,_ he texts frantically, _what does it mean when your boyfriend says he’s bringing home noodles AND COMPANY????_

 _i didnt need to know that much about your sex life,_ she writes back immediately.

“Fuck,” Eames says. 

_So it IS a sex thing?_ he writes.

_why are you asking me??? he’s YOUR boyfriend_

_Shut up._

Eames puts his phone away, then puts his paints away too. If Arthur’s bringing home _company_ , Eames should probably be preparing, right? Somehow?

“Fuck,” he says again. “Fucking company.”

They’ve been in a quarantine, dammit. Eames has gained _weight,_ dammit. He isn’t feeling sexy enough for a threesome, or a foursome, or a more-some. He still has paint up to his elbows, dammit!

Eames decides to clean the bedroom because that’s probably important. Then he cleans the kitchen, because Arthur did say he was bringing home noodles, too. And then Eames cleans the living room, because if it does turn into a more-some orgy, they’re probably going to need the space to move around. Right?

He grabs his phone and texts Arthur _fuck, darling, give me a little more notice before we have an orgy next time okay???_

He doesn’t send it. He takes a shower to wash the paint off his arms, then cleans the bathroom, too.

By the time Arthur comes home, Eames has cleaned every inch of their house except for the basement. He’s desperately hoping that whatever _company_ Arthur brings home will be polite enough to stay in the main rooms.

“Honey, I’m home,” Arthur says as he steps inside, holding a paper bag. 

“You brought noodles?” Eames asks, trying to act natural. 

Arthur lifts the paper bag with a grin.

“And…” Eames swallows. “Company?”

Arthur blinks. “Uh.” He glances at the paper bag.

“Oh, you forgot? That’s fine, darling, don’t worry about it at all, we can have a threesome another time.”

“A _threesome?_ ” Arthur asks, voice a little shrill. 

“Sorry, uh.” Eames hesitates, wincing slightly. “A foursome? A more-some? An orgy? I don’t know, darling, and really, I love you desperately, but I’d rather hoped we would talk about something like this before it happened, so I’m not too sorry that you seem to have forgotten.”

“Eames,” Arthur says, rubbing his face.

“And might I ask, just...politely? That next time you say you're bringing home _company_ you let me know how many people that entails? Because I have been very _stressed,_ darling. And I don’t particularly like being stressed. It’s bad for my blood pressure, you know.”

“Eames,” Arthur says again.

“Erm.” Eames stops. “Yeah?”

“The food place,” Arthur says slowly. “It’s called Noodles and Company.”

“Erm,” Eames says again. He looks at the paper bag, then back at Arthur. “What kind of restaurant,” he says, trying to sound more steady than he is, “calls themselves a company?”

Arthur arches a brow. “Says the man who swears by the Cheesecake Factory.”

“Shut up,” Eames says. “Let’s just never talk about this again, okay?”

“No chance in hell.” Arthur grins. “I’m telling this story to _everyone,_ Eames.”

Eames sighs. “I thought you were going to say that.”

As if on cue, Eames’ phone vibrates. 

_SOOOOOO?????_ Ari has texted. _HOW WAS YOUR SEX THING?????? YUSUF WANTS TO KNOW TOOOOOOOO_


End file.
